Question for women

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rankin @ May 23 2006, 03:35 PM) [snapback]80915[/snapback][/center]
You're not listening, man. :) The mistake was TELLING her. Whether its true or not. Pointing out your partners failures... think that'll go over well? "How badly do you suck, let me count the ways...."

All that's provided you wanted to maintain the relationship in the first place. If your manhood was jeopardized by her putting words in your mouth enough to sabotage shit by pointing it out to her, that's your own business. Well, no, its ours too cause you brought it up here for your peers to point and laugh at.. :D

Seriously, don't say shit like that to women you're trying to get with (or stay with), no good can come of it. Whether its true or not is irrelevant.
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I agree to a point. When somebody does something really stupid, you do need to point out that yes, that was stupid, but you have to be very carefull how you do that. For example, at work we use a system called STOP for each other. When you approach somebody who is doing something that is unsafe, you don't say "What the hell are you doing? You're so stupid!" What you need to say is something more along the line of, "I don't know if you noticed, but what that could be dangerous. I really don't want to be a bother but I'm concerned for your safety. Maybe you could try using...... " this brings up the issue that something was done wrong, without directly blaming the person for doing it. It allows the person to think about what they have done and change, rather then immediatly put them on the defensive and get offended.

For example, instead of saying "that has to be the stupidist thing you've ever done!" You could try "oops, that could have gone better" or "um..... what just happened?" This allows the person to think about what htey did without immediatly thinking they have wronged you.

And yes, with some women, you do have to be really carefull what you say.... but there are a lot of men who are the same way.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rankin @ May 23 2006, 03:35 PM) [snapback]80915[/snapback][/center]
You're not listening, man. :) The mistake was TELLING her. Whether its true or not. Pointing out your partners failures... think that'll go over well? "How badly do you suck, let me count the ways...."

All that's provided you wanted to maintain the relationship in the first place. If your manhood was jeopardized by her putting words in your mouth enough to sabotage shit by pointing it out to her, that's your own business. Well, no, its ours too cause you brought it up here for your peers to point and laugh at.. :D

Seriously, don't say shit like that to women you're trying to get with (or stay with), no good can come of it. Whether its true or not is irrelevant.
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I agree to a point. When somebody does something really stupid, you do need to point out that yes, that was stupid, but you have to be very carefull how you do that. For example, at work we use a system called STOP for each other. When you approach somebody who is doing something that is unsafe, you don't say "What the hell are you doing? You're so stupid!" What you need to say is something more along the line of, "I don't know if you noticed, but what that could be dangerous. I really don't want to be a bother but I'm concerned for your safety. Maybe you could try using...... " this brings up the issue that something was done wrong, without directly blaming the person for doing it. It allows the person to think about what they have done and change, rather then immediatly put them on the defensive and get offended.

For example, instead of saying "that has to be the stupidist thing you've ever done!" You could try "oops, that could have gone better" or "um..... what just happened?" This allows the person to think about what htey did without immediatly thinking they have wronged you.

And yes, with some women, you do have to be really carefull what you say.... but there are a lot of men who are the same way.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(PrOdiGy @ May 23 2006, 05:59 PM) [snapback]80977[/snapback][/center]
double posts ftw
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hehe, my finger twitched on the reply button, kinda amazed i got 2 posts out of it, thought it would be a repeat in the same post
 
I know I was being blunt when I said that, but thats who I am and she knew thats how I was. She's perfectly OK when I expressed my views openly about her issues and helped her through multiple problems. Its not like I don't know how to treat a lady. I'm not asking for dating advice. I'm just wondering why women overanalyze things we say, even when they are compliments, AKA, the first example.

Ackis, that hurt. Now I don't want to date you :( :P
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Stavrose @ May 23 2006, 06:30 PM) [snapback]80983[/snapback][/center]
I know I was being blunt when I said that, but thats who I am and she knew thats how I was. She's perfectly OK when I expressed my views openly about her issues and helped her through multiple problems. Its not like I don't know how to treat a lady. I'm not asking for dating advice. I'm just wondering why women overanalyze things we say, even when they are compliments, AKA, the first example.

Ackis, that hurt. Now I don't want to date you :( :P
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even men over analize stuff, just women seem to hold a grudge for longer. I too am very blunt. I'm not a fan of 'pussyfooting' around and hoping they catch onto what I mean. More often then not i do the same thing you do by saying something like "man, that was stupid." But as tiv said, a single pre-conceived notion can change their thinking. One day they will be fine with it then they remember one day a conversation they had with their girlfriend and then they remember what you said(or what they think you said) and everything goes bonkers.
 
Actually I've read several studies that show men are more psychologically predispositioned to hold grudges much longer than women. This came up when a bunch of my male friends thought that Trey Parker was justified in being angry enough at his ex-fiancee to berate her in the dvd commentary on one of his films 10 years after the fact. The women felt 10 years is enough time to move on and let it go. I was curious since the gender lines were pretty clearly drawn and a little poking around turned up those studies. I'll try to find em again if ya like. ;)
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Tavasha @ May 24 2006, 02:15 AM) [snapback]81029[/snapback][/center]
Actually I've read several studies that show men are more psychologically predispositioned to hold grudges much longer than women. This came up when a bunch of my male friends thought that Trey Parker was justified in being angry enough at his ex-fiancee to berate her in the dvd commentary on one of his films 10 years after the fact. The women felt 10 years is enough time to move on and let it go. I was curious since the gender lines were pretty clearly drawn and a little poking around turned up those studies. I'll try to find em again if ya like. ;)
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that would be a good read. I don't doubt that men hold grudges for long periods of time, just as you said often it's women are said to hold grudges for longer periods then men do.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rehhtahn @ May 24 2006, 01:13 PM) [snapback]81048[/snapback][/center]
that would be a good read. I don't doubt that men hold grudges for long periods of time, just as you said often it's women are said to hold grudges for longer periods then men do.
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I disagree
My brother can hold a grudge for a VERY long time. He stopped speaking to my sister for an entire years ( he as about 9 or 10)

I think it depends on personality more than gender
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Tiveria @ May 24 2006, 06:25 AM) [snapback]80907[/snapback][/center]
From my POV - we think so differently that when you say something, we hear something completely different.
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no, we hear what you say. we mean what we say.
you say something with a completly differnt meaning.

example-
Women says "Im tired".
what she really MEANS is "go get me a pillow and a blanket and rub my feet".

Then they dont understand why we dont pick up on this.

Its a vicious cycle.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Stavrose @ May 24 2006, 09:30 AM) [snapback]80983[/snapback][/center]
I know I was being blunt when I said that, but thats who I am and she knew thats how I was.
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meaning- "Im a pimp when it comes to my bitches"
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Shaggz1297 @ May 24 2006, 07:53 AM) [snapback]81069[/snapback][/center]
meaning- "Im a pimp when it comes to my bitches" [/b]
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No, I'm like that with everyone. Its not that I don't give a fuck. Its that I hate bullshit, fake people who wear masks, and stupid people. Of all the girls I've hooked up with, I've treated them good...really good. And one of the reasons they hook up with me is because I show them from the very beggining that it is all about trust and honesty. I show them that I'm not afraid to tell them the truth, no matter how painful it may be from Day 1. Of course, thats just a tiny part of my mack, but it still is enough to assure them that I'm someone they can trust. And at the same time, it allows them to be honest and open with me without being afraid. Its how it should be. I value honesty and trust in a relationship above anything else. Why bother going into one if you can't be either with each other?

I dunno, i know that women operate differently than men. I guess I was just frustrated that a compliment or telling the truth was taken to the extreme. btw, after a long convo last night, we're back together.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Shaggz1297 @ May 24 2006, 08:53 AM) [snapback]81069[/snapback][/center]
no, we hear what you say. we mean what we say.
you say something with a completly differnt meaning.

example-
Women says "Im tired".
what she really MEANS is "go get me a pillow and a blanket and rub my feet".

Then they dont understand why we dont pick up on this.

Its a vicious cycle.
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Yeah this is a true statement.

Though I think V gets it more than most....I say I'm tired, and he nods and asks - ok so what can I do?

So since we know that what we say has more meaning to it than what just comes across, we think men are the same way. They aren't. Maybe we don't understand the simplicity of it.

I'm honest - and I expect men around me to be. I do expect tact with that honesty though.

When I'm stupid (and I am quite frequently some days) - I want someone to tell me. But I don't want that someone to say "Tiv, you're being stupid." Makes me feel better when they say "Tiv, you may want to think about what you just said."

For me, it's more emotional - but then again I've always been an emotional sesspool. It's really hard to control, but I do it better every day.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Merlyn @ May 24 2006, 09:53 PM) [snapback]81060[/snapback][/center]
I disagree
My brother can hold a grudge for a VERY long time. He stopped speaking to my sister for an entire years ( he as about 9 or 10)

I think it depends on personality more than gender
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I would agree with Merlyn more than anything, but then again I am a rarity and my grudges do not last long.....unless it was an ex that really hurt me :angry: But men say stupid mpre often than women, i guess its how you feel and just your outlook on life. I don't try to think on stupid comments but like tiv said sometimes it just pops into my head and starts to agrivate me for some reason.
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Stavrose @ May 23 2006, 05:54 PM) [snapback]80995[/snapback][/center]
you weren't around for the whole buttsecks thing, were you?
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Did someone mention BUTTSECKS (pretend that's really large, pink and flashing kthx)!!!
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rankin @ May 23 2006, 01:35 PM) [snapback]80915[/snapback][/center]
You're not listening, man. :) The mistake was TELLING her. Whether its true or not. Pointing out your partners failures... think that'll go over well? "How badly do you suck, let me count the ways...."

All that's provided you wanted to maintain the relationship in the first place. If your manhood was jeopardized by her putting words in your mouth enough to sabotage shit by pointing it out to her, that's your own business. Well, no, its ours too cause you brought it up here for your peers to point and laugh at.. :D

Seriously, don't say shit like that to women you're trying to get with (or stay with), no good can come of it. Whether its true or not is irrelevant.
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:lol:
How about a column name 'Rankin' Knows Best' ? :P
Cause yeah he is right in a few ways Stavy.

And as Tivy said,
If I was in a good mood, it doesn't matter; However if the mood was different, YOU just got it coming buster! :devil:
 
Stav, I feel for ya hun! I completely agree with being honest, open and trusting each other. There really is no other way to go about it. But I can tell ya from experience, if the girl is incapable of laughing at herself and stepping into a differnet perspective to look at the situation at hand.......the issue is lost and useless. Because then you end up running in circles trying to get her to understand what you said and meant, and then that usually ends up in a migraine :lol: It is true though with time your better half will understand exactly what you are saying.

Oh and Stav, could they be hookin up with ya cuz they want your special Greek treatment?? ;) :thumbsup:
 
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Nivekella @ May 24 2006, 11:43 AM) [snapback]81183[/snapback][/center]
Stav, I feel for ya hun! I completely agree with being honest, open and trusting each other. There really is no other way to go about it. But I can tell ya from experience, if the girl is incapable of laughing at herself and stepping into a differnet perspective to look at the situation at hand.......the issue is lost and useless. Because then you end up running in circles trying to get her to understand what you said and meant, and then that usually ends up in a migraine :lol: It is true though with time your better half will understand exactly what you are saying.

Oh and Stav, could they be hookin up with ya cuz they want your special Greek treatment?? ;) :thumbsup:
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:lol:
 
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