Funnies
- Thread starter Artica
- Start date
Avari
Active member
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(PrOdiGy @ Mar 24 2006, 12:28 PM) [snapback]63114[/snapback][/center]
Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them looks down and finds a mirror.
She picks it up, looks into it, and says, "WOW! I know this person. I've seen this person somewhere before..."
The other blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duuuh, of course you have. That's me!"
dont be hatin
Two blondes are walking down the street when one of them looks down and finds a mirror.
She picks it up, looks into it, and says, "WOW! I know this person. I've seen this person somewhere before..."
The other blonde takes the mirror, looks into it, and says, "Duuuh, of course you have. That's me!"
Artica
Imperial Kitten
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
:lol:
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
:lol:
Avari
Active member
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Artica
Imperial Kitten
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband!
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
:blink:
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
:blink:
Tiveria
Sheeptastic!
Customer Service:
An old lady took a flight to see her daughter, and checked with her animal and cage in tow. She expressed concern to the stewardesses and they assured her of the animal's safetey.
When they landed, the stewards checked the dog, and the dog was dead!!! they were aghast and only wanted to help the old lady. So they took her into a room and told her there was a slight delay in her animal case as it was on the wrong plane, but it would only be a day, and they'd ship it to her.
The airline people went and looked for an exact duplicate of the dog. Having found one, they decided to deliver it personally to ensure everything was okay.
The woman opened up the door to the airline representative, looked down at the dog and said "That is NOT my dog!"
They assured her it was, and even pointed to the collar as evidence.
"No that CAN'T be my dog because MY Dog is DEAD!"
An old lady took a flight to see her daughter, and checked with her animal and cage in tow. She expressed concern to the stewardesses and they assured her of the animal's safetey.
When they landed, the stewards checked the dog, and the dog was dead!!! they were aghast and only wanted to help the old lady. So they took her into a room and told her there was a slight delay in her animal case as it was on the wrong plane, but it would only be a day, and they'd ship it to her.
The airline people went and looked for an exact duplicate of the dog. Having found one, they decided to deliver it personally to ensure everything was okay.
The woman opened up the door to the airline representative, looked down at the dog and said "That is NOT my dog!"
They assured her it was, and even pointed to the collar as evidence.
"No that CAN'T be my dog because MY Dog is DEAD!"
Artica
Imperial Kitten
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day , the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
:lol:
On his second day , the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
:lol:
